Finding my peace

So most of my life I have had some sort of internal struggle; it was always something. Over the last few years I have been doing all I can to find some sort of peace in myself. It has been a struggle I tell you!

I decided to make some changes in my life.

So the first was quit smoking! almost 10 months now. Then, I decided to take some personal inventory and decided I was drinking for all the wrong reasons and I had lost control of it. I started asking..... am I an alcoholic? Well, I guess I am a binge drinker with no stop button.... yup the start down that the road to there.

I decided to stop drinking on Jan 1. Just to take the year off of drinking to see how I feel. Then I went to Vegas and drank one night. It was that night that I realized I do have a problem and with the help of an amazing friend I realized, I dont need to drink to fit in. So Feb 14, 2016 I admitted I had a problem with alcohol and I quit drinking forever. I joined AA (although I dont go like I should be) and I started the process of the 12 steps. Okay I am not doing well with the steps, but I am still sober! And feel good.

Next up diet..... As anyone who knows me knows, food is another one of my addictions. So this is the hardest for me. The others I just quit; food I have to have! I just need to have the right stuff. Such a struggle for an emotional eater. I am working on it daily.

So if this year couldnt have already been a struggle, I ended up being diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia. The pain has been the worst I have ever experienced and has put my entire life on hold. On a ton of different meds to see what works, gained 20 pounds and feel terrible. All I want to do is go back to eating, drinking, and smoking!

But.... I dont.... I am sticking with it and staying healthy! And I feel like a better person for it! I made the choice to quit some of my other (part time) jobs and learnt to rest when I needed it. My family has supported me and slowly I am getting a handle on life again. I actually finally feel like I am in control of my life. I have learnt to find my peace where I can, so I garden, I paint, and I spend time with those I love.

It has been a very long and hard road to where I am today, and I wouldnt be here if I didnt have the support of my family and closest friends. You are all amazing.

I have found some peace and it feels amazing! And if that wasnt enough.... I found Younique and 3d lashes and my passion for make up! So now I have an online business that is great and fun and makes me feel great!

Life is good today :)